26 july 2001.1008am

i had another one of my famous dreams again....

"and you were there, and you, and you and you!!!!"

actually, first we were all in a mall. i was there first and then all of you came in. and i hadn't seen most of you in the longest time so i was glad you were all there. and i gave you a hug; we've known each other for years and the only physical contact we've had has been accidental. but it was okay then. it seemed normal to wrap my arms around your waist and smile.

and then you picked me up and we went to a concert and bought lots of weird overpriced merch, like inflatable rafts and christmas lights with the band's name on it. and it was silly, but that's what we would buy at shows if we had an option.

and then i was at woodside, getting ready for my film aquatics (don't ask because i don't know) class, and these guys wouldn't let me use the changing room so i was late to class. and many of you were there, and then you came in and i was overjoyed, so i went home with you.

it was extremely late at night, for some reason, and nobody was at your house. i saw your wrists and they were cut and i got upset. we talked for a while about your depression and then we both started drinking. you wanted to and i didn't and i kept refusing so you left. and then there you were again, fresh from the mall, and we started jumping on the couches and breaking stereos. and we peeked out of the room and saw you, and you had been arrested and jailed in north carolina and it had entirely changed you for the worse.

the strangest part about the dream? you weren't there. and you are usually there. and i don't know where you were.