04 november 2003.1139 am

my weekend in 3 parts - part one

friday, october 31st

7am: en route to picking the kids up to take them to school, i forget that its halloween and am momentarily puzzled by people dressed stupidly. best costume: fat asian boy as member of barber shop quartet. this reinforces my decision to have fat asian kids when i have babies.

830am - noon: bounce around really excitedly and tell anyone who looks at me that its BEARD WEEKEND 2K3.

noon: cody and david arrive. mom gives cody a belated birthday present: a bobble head panther for his car. mom has added gold glitter paint to the panther; needless to say, cody loves it.

1pm: call hotel to tell them that we will not be making the check-in time, which is 1pm.

3pm: after driving for what feels like forever, we stop in davis or somewhere outside of davis, not that it matters because all those towns are exactly the same, to pee at burger king. we decide to eat at burger king because this is the only 1950s diner themed burger king we've ever seen. there is a picture of elvis singing to both a 57 bel air and marilyn monroe [just like real life!] and a jukebox that had fabulous 50s hits such as "jenny (867-5309)" and "don't stop (thinkin about tomorrow)." they also have a guitar shaped table, so we take a picture of the family that was eating at it.

4pm: as we're getting into the car, a hobo rushes up to us and starts yammering in what can only be identified as his own, personal, hobo language. it looks like he's specifically targeting david. i take some pictures of him through the safety of the closed car window:

obviously, we should have brought him to the beard championships.

430pm: cody buys a new windshield wiper blade and i think i am actually helpful in this procedure, as putting windshield wiper blades on a car is one of the few things i know how to do.

445pm: windshield wiper blade comes off... whoops.

5pm - 830pm: we: are stuck in incredibly slow traffic, get forced off of highway 80, call the hotel again to say we're going to be even later, have to go down this scary windy road to get on highway 50, where its snowing. this is the first time ive ever seen snow. unanimously come to the conclusion that there are yeti in the forest; later, repeatedly tell david to get out of the car to go sleep with the yeti.

830pm: purchase outrageously expensive snow chains for codys car, cody spends the next hour with his face on the ground, trying to figure out how to put on snow chains. david and i show moral support by having snowball fights and standing around bitching about how cold it is.

945pm - midnight: drive at about 25mph with snow chains on. snow chains are very, very loud.

midnight: get to the hotel, to have the guy working behind the desk tell us that everything is fine, oh no wait theres someone in your room, oh no i have to call my boss and wake him up, oh sir what am i supposed to do there are only TEN EMPTY ROOMS I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, okay i guess i can put you in one of the other rooms, OH NO WAIT IM A MORON AND I WAS LOOKING AT THE WRONG ROOM NUMBER HERES YOUR ROOM YOURE ALL SET. but seriously after everything else that was a minor inconvenience.

UP NEXT: saturday.