22 january 2003.1204am

god. american idol + the osbournes = too much reality tv. but where else am i supposed to see sharon osbourne talk about p diddy's wang? WHERE ELSE?

in other news, i have intense eyeball pain. it hurts to the point of mild nausea, so i've been taking vicodin, which makes things like driving and walking onerous tasks. i should go to the doctor, but i feel dirty whenever i go to my doctor, because im 19 and i still see a pediatrician, so whenever i go the mothers in the waiting room ask me about my baby, my NONEXISTENT BABY. i need to get a new doctor. or a baby.

also, i briefly flirted with the idea of being a phone sex operator. i figured it would be easy and low stress with hilarious results. for 3 hours i considered it to be one of my most brilliant schemes yet, but then i realised:

  1. i have a nice, low-pitched voice, but everything i say sounds so goddamned insincere. i either sound like im lying, or im just totally bored.

  2. all the ones i found are work from home. i saw that spike lee movie, i at least want my own cubicle.

its still ridiculously funny, especially because you KNOW that i would tell EVERYONE.

E V E R Y O N E ! ! ! !