12 february 2002.10:10 p.m

alexis and i were in long's today, buying things for joanna because she fainted today (joanna faints a lot, but still), and we were looking at the shelves in the middle of the store. you know the shelves, the ones that have all the majorly discounted crap that no one really wants, i.e. the *nsync fruit snacks i purchased a few weeks ago (okay, everyone really wants those, i know), when i picked up a bag of salt water taffy and showed it to alexis. "hey, look," said i, "joanna was talking about how delicious salt water taffy is just yesterday," when this old man, i'd venture to say he was in his 70's, turned around and said, "why, i haven't had that since i was a child." i politely turned and looked at him, and said something about how utterly whimsical his comment was, and then turned back to alexis.

at which point the old man, who was wearing one of those stereotypically old man hats and carrying a cane but not using it, tapped my arm, so i turned to him again, and he asked, i swear to christ, "those your real teeth?"

me: "um, yes."

old man: "well, then you go and eat taffy while you can. taffy and sticky things and gum, eat them all right now, while you still got teeth. now, if you're worried about your weight, cut out something else out of your diet, i don't know. just keep eating taffy and nuts and sticky sweets now, because when you get old..." (pauses and pulls on his dentures for effect.)

me: "well, thank you for the wonderful advice, sir."

old man: "you know, i can still eat taffy now, i suppose, but then i have to take out my teeth, and then i can only gum it, and then when i try to swallow it i just end up choking."

me: "um."

only me.