09 june 2003.231 am

i went to santa cruz this weekend, because i dont have a job, or an interesting life. as soon as we got there, the carny santa cruz air hit lindsay and she absolutely needed to play claw machines RIGHTTHATSECOND, so we stopped at safeway, because of course the safeway has a claw machine thats also surprisingly cheap.

when we drove into the parking lot i noticed this one car that had various crappy metal band stickers, including this special hilarious one:

which, if you dont think is funny, then youre a bad person. after lindsay took a picture of it, i was talking about how much i wished that the owner of the car saw us take the picture.

and then, the god of comedic setups stepped in, and this chunky young-ish looking boy in his safeway employee uniform, who had been watching us the whole time, comes over to us and says "its to clarify, because, you know, i kept getting METALLICA SUCKS graffiti all over my car, so, i had to explain."

i told him he was funny, and he started talking about slayer because i send out giant neon rays that scream "HEY! FAT METALHEAD BOYS! I WANT THE JUICE! COME RUB YOUR BEARD ON ME!!" even when i dont want it.

it was cool though, because later when we were at blockbuster giving away all of her animatrix promo shit, the supervisor, a short black man in his midthirties, was totally trying to lay the groove down on lindsay. he kept giving her the "oh yeah. imma sex you up" eyes. after we drove away i was going to tell her that he was probably thinking about what his enormous black wang would look like between her boobs, but i thought that she would just punch my face instead of laughing.

.....and speaking of enormous black wangs, when i was cleaning my room i found the face slappin dildo cody bought me for christmas [and before you even think of anything naughty, its STRICTLY for faceslappin, because if you think a 10" black novelty dong is how i like to get my kicks, then you, my friend, have much greater expectations for the elasticity of my vagina than i do]. i put the wang, affectionately called "vinnie," on the top of my dresser for only a few hours or so, but it left a distinct scent, sort of like maybe if you stuck your face in a brand new basketball, a very rubbery, musky plastic dongness, i suppose. this, mixed with my new leather shoes, make my room smell very weird.

but "musky plastic dongness" is the greatest phrase of 2k3. f'reals.