20 july 2003.307am

who's my new favorite celebrity? TIFFANY. as in the tiffany who sang "i think we're alone now" and toured malls in the 1980s and played at the santa cruz boardwalk on friday and totally rocked the fuckin house [beach?] down. not because shes a good singer or anything, but because ive never seen anyone be so completely content with their 3rd rate celebrity status. you cant help but like a person who is so happy and pleased to autograph the issue of "playboy" that featured her nude, with a lot of cooter shots, may i add. also, tiffany has huge nipples. HUGE!!!

so not only was the show excellent because tiffany is a wonderful person and i know what she looks like naked, but about 5 songs into her set, a FIGHT broke out, between this ugly guy wearing a gwar tshirt and some guy whose style i would describe as "typical bro." i have no idea what the fight was about, but there was lots of sand thrown in eyes and bleeding from the head before the boardwalk security escorted both of them out. as they were getting kicked out, the ugly one and his friends were screaming about facists and neo nazis..... way to get kicked out of a free tiffany concert on the beach, brah. f authority! anarchy 4 evr!!

and today i realised that my true calling is the culinary arts. ill have pictures to prove this later. this also further fuels my idea that i should go to multiple trade schools [cosmetology, culinary, welding] so i have multiple licensed skills and multiple options of careers that wont in any way interfere with what i really want to do with my life. which is, of course, to write short stories and essays that will be published after my death, even though i specifically state in my will and it shall be my last dying plea to have everything destroyed [by fire].

isnt that simple enough?