04 March 2004.1112 pm

about two weeks ago, my mother went to the local animal shelter and came back with a beagle/jack russell terrier mix one year old dog.

his given name was "leroy," but after calling him an assortment of names [dooley, jackie, popeye, sockeye, bub, pop, chainsaw, buzzsaw, killer, binky, little man, etc], it was decided that his name is momo. momo is a solid 13 pounds of fury. momo is also a perfect testament to my belief that pets, much like children, are much better enjoyed if they are not your own. example: momo's top 3 activities are:

  1. humping the cat. the 13 pound puppy humping the 21 pound cat is disturbing. especially when momo tries to pee on him first.

  2. eating out of the litter box. humping the cat isnt enough, momo likes to snack on his seemingly delicious feces.

  3. biting everything in sight. mom's been calling it a bad case of "bitey mouth," but i think its the dog trying to eat us. he just keeps his mouth open constantly, waiting for some piece of flesh to fall into it, a hand, a foot, an elbow, or in the case of the time i was bent over, mammary glands. then he tries his hardest to gnaw to the bone, but when your mouth is less than two inches across you dont get much work done, let alone hurt the person youre biting. his typical greeting [as long as youre under about 5'5", any taller and he barks at you] is to run up and bite your hands, and then when youre walking away he bites your ankles and calves.

dogs are pretty fucking gross. but i will say, his other favorite activity makes me rather proud:

  1. peeing in the room where my parents' freeloader friend is staying. worst houseguest ever; he's supposed to be running around taking care of legal business [remembering that my parents used to be hippies you can estimate what that business may consist of] and instead he watches tv all day long and doesnt shut up about politics when he isnt even a registered voter. also, he drank all the beer that one of my friends left over here, so really, he can roll over and die for all i care. momo seems to agree, and the moment after he peed on the floor and the old hippie sat down in it, my heart was taken by momo.

13 pounds of fury, i tell you.