27 december 2002.1250am

CHRISTMAS: what i asked for:

  • a kimono

CHRISTMAS: what i got:

  • not a kimono.

TYPICAL CHRISTMAS. i did get wonderful presents such as a stuffed plush baboon, a pulp fiction novel from the 1960s called geisha ["her name was o-kita. her only schooling was in the art of pleasure-giving."], and an eight-volume set of pee-wee's playhouse episodes on vhs. also, money. lots of money. and since i have no soul or conscience, im going to spend a lot of the money tomorrow on books and clothes. and a haircut. i can't believe they let me have money. i need a crazy benefactor like pip in great expectations. time to start FREEING CRIMINALS.


in other news, there is a HUGE PROBLEM i need to address:

tonight, lindsay [age 19], her younger sister [12], and i [19] were in the local 24hour donut hut, and there was an old, drunken man who was talking to everybody while they desperately tried to ignore him. i sized up the situation and decided that the chances of him raping, robbing, stabbing and/or murdering me inside a flourescent lighted pastry shop amongst so many people were slim, so i chatted with him for a while about how i had a fake christmas tree, and about how he will give me a real one next year, because he's a good guy like that.

then i turned my back on him. and he started yelling what i thought was "hey mon!" and i didnt understand his sudden jamaican accent until i realised he was yelling "hey mom!" at me. and i turned around and told me that my children are beautiful, and he asked lindsay and her sister if they treat their mama [ME] right, and then he asked me if i got christmas presents, because its important that the mother gets presents. WHAT?

and then yesterday, some distant relative mistook me for my aunt, my aunt that is 45 YEARS OLD AND ALCOHOLIC AND ABOUT TO GET HER SECOND FACELIFT. WHAT THE FUCK? i'm 19, NOT EVEN CLOSE TO 40. I HAVE SO MANY GOOD YEARS LEFT. FUCK.

[and you know i figure once you hit 25 youre on your way to being old and dead soon. granted, the people who thought i was 20 years older were a drunk and an old lady who had only met me once before when i was a baby. STILL. STILL]