10 February 2005.12:14 am

1. there is this guy in my class ['geoff'] [not his real name, but equally as bad as his real name] and i'm about 99% sure he hates me. this is fairly apparent via the Evil Eyes and Bored Sighs Directed at Your Jokes and I'm Contradicting Everything You're Saying Because I am King of This Junior College Classrooms. this is new and sort of exciting: i've never had anyone hate me for no reason before! i discussed it with cody and we both agree that geoff is much more amusing as a person if he hates me. arguably, his most interesting trait is that he dislikes me. i plan to base a character on geoff in a screeplay cody and i are writing. geoff will have a urine fetish. apropos, no?

2. i bought some big ugly plastic circa 1970s crucifixes [crucifiecis? i'm sorry, latin jokes are almost never funny] from ebay. for the longest time i thought the seller was some sort of sad, down on his luck soul [all of his auctions said that the stuff belonged to his dead mother] who had some sort of learning disability [all of his auctions are [para-, but not exaggerated]phrased: "this belong to my mother who 3 year ago she die and that is why i have things now am sell"], but then one day after i was reading one of his emails it struck me: "hey! i bet marcel st ange from quebec is FRENCH CANADIAN, NOT RETARDED!" i can't believe that took me so long to figure out. americans are such assholes.