8 july 2005.200 am

i am super boring and have nothing new to report, except that i went to IHOP and had the FUNNEL CAKE CARNIVAL BREAKFAST COMBO but check this: the combo comes with 2 eggs, bacon or sausage, hash browns, and 2 funnelcakes with your choice of topping. your topping choices are strawberry, blueberry, apple cinnamon, and in observance of american independence day they had "red white and blueberry," which is just strawberries and blueberries. i thought they all sounded foul but i was high and it was like 8 in the morning and i wanted something deep fucking fried so i ordered strawberry funnelcakes with scrambled eggs and bacon. ten minutes later i get my food, my eggs are overeasy, and i'm not upset because whatever, theyre eggs, they taste pretty much the same however you cook them and i'm used to shitty diner service and never getting my order right and there are just some things you have to be zen about, you know? so no surprises at my incorrect breakfast EXCEPT when i looked at the funnelcakes. the funnelcakes were topped with PEACHES. THIS WAS NOT AN OPTION ON THE MENU. NOWHERE DID IT SAY I COULD GET PEACHES ON MY FUNNELCAKES. i sat there, completely stoned and trying to make sense of the fact that not only was my order wrong, it was wrong in a way i could have never expected. especially since PEACHES WOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST FUCKING CHOICE FOR TOPPING ALMOST ANYTHING. bobby was like "hey didn't you order strawberries?" and the waiter, whom we had already determined was a shitty server from the start, freaked out a little and tried to take my precious peach funnelcakes away. i refused, ate my peachy funnelcakes in total bliss, and while in line to pay i double checked for the peach option on the menu and found nothing. i am sure that if i go to IHOP again and try to directly order peach funnelcakes, they'll tell me that's not an option. this is a metaphor for my life.