14 june 2004.1256 am

dear shitheads at ratemykitten.com,

why won't you approve my goddamn pictures? how am i supposed to know how cute my cat is if you won't put the pictures up on your goddamned site?

love,

ashley

p.s. so about a month ago i entered a contest sponsored by "the wave" [this crappy entertainment magazine out of san francisco], a contest to win a free family vacation for me and 3 other people to santa cruz. of course, i would have just brought lindsay and thrown a party in the hotel room every night for us and our santa cruz friends, but it came with other niiice prizes, like a $500 gift certificate to the capitola mall, free rides on some railroad i've never heard of, unlimited free rides at the boardwalk, free surfing lessons, etc. obviously this was a contest i wanted to win very, very badly. about two weeks ago, i got this giant envelope from the santa cruz tourist center, but while i was freaking out about my good luck, i found out it was just all advertisements for the activities and places i COULD [SHOULD] HAVE experienced free, had i actually won. which i didn't. while i wasn't terribly disappointed about this, i am furious now because apparently the wave sold my email address to every single spammer based out of santa cruz, because now i get about 15 emails a day with subject lines like ASHLEY FIND LOVE IN SANTA CRUZ!!! BUY LAND IN SANTA CRUZ ASHLEY 3.4% DOWN!!!!!! ASHLEY BECOME AN XRAY TECHNICIAN ASHLEY IN SANTA CRUZ!!!! ASHLEY ASHLEY SANTA CRUZ ASHLEY SANTA CRUZ KWFGJEWRUTFCBRI!! thanks, the wave. i hope your magazine explodes or goes bankrupt.

p.p.s. i bought the new morrissey cd [at walmart. walmart is so full of whimsy. i could spend hours at walmart digging through the $5 dvd bin alone] and it's weird. like, its overproduced top 40-sounding music, but with morrissey singing. and the first song is totally morrissey's 9/11 tribute, aka the worst morrissey song i've ever heard, and this is including the song about hector being the first to die from gang wars.

dear morrissey,

you are a gay british man, why are you singing about tuff mexican street gangs? i don't think your hispanic rockabilly fanbase was calling out for songs like that, but hey what do i know?

love,

ashley